16 September 2013 @ 06:23 pm
Today, I finished (more of skimmed through) Why Our Decisions Don't Matter, edited by Simon Van Booy. In the book, there were a lot of approaches to that topic, such as accepting absurdity (the one I'm most familiar with after reading mostly Camus for the past months), resigning to fate or destiny assigned by gods and such, dissecting man's so-called free will, remembering that everyone dies anyway.... I've also gotten an idea of more authors/philosophers I'd like to read like Henry Miller, Wittgenstein and probably some more Stoics. Oh, a self-directed education in literature and philosophy would be grand.

If only my energy would allow it.

I figured out that school drains me and depresses me sometimes. Seeing patients and doing procedures are fun and dandy. But when I go back to my classmates, they go on and on worrying about whether a more senior doctor would look down on them for getting a question wrong, constantly nagging about (oh god why do they still do this in med school) group projects and ironically peppering their messages with smileys, going out to drink for the sake of things like teamwork and fellowship when I'd rather sleep after OPD and loads of other things I disagree with. Maybe it's just me and my unusual weird abnormal pathologic solitary preferences, and I probably got the wrong idea about my course and thought I wouldn't have to major in Socialization and Idiosyncratic Group Dynamics.

For now I'll consider this the absurdity that Camus talked about and put up with it. (Meanwhile I'll look for a specialization with minimal contact with other doctors.) May God/the gods/Nature/the forces of the universe/etc. preserve whatever is left of my sanity.
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A hungry koala: Assassin's Creed » Synchronize[personal profile] guia on September 20th, 2013 02:54 pm (UTC)
Wow, I think this is my first time stumbling on a term called "Idiosyncratic Group Dynamics". By the sound of it, are you taking a course similar to psychology? Please forgive me if I am mistaken!
The ceiling gazer[personal profile] ruinsight on September 22nd, 2013 12:29 pm (UTC)
It's just a term I made up to describe how I, usually an outsider, think groups particularly the one I'm assigned to. :D (I'm in med school. That means I'll be working in groups forever ._.)
A hungry koala: RDJr » OMFG[personal profile] guia on September 22nd, 2013 04:19 pm (UTC)
Oh whoops! It sounds very convincing as an actual term though x'D