I'm staying at the dorm for three weeks straight. My dormmates left their laundry in both the toilet and the shower room. There's so much to study for Wednesday's exam. After that, there's an exam on Monday that's extremely difficult according to what I heard.

I feel like getting angry about everything

When I got to the dorm after class, my dormmate was shouting and giggling and SHOUTING and GIGGLING on the phone. When I decided to go out and study in the student lounge, people were being loud and not doing homework and I got texted by a classmate to email something, ASAP. When I arrived at the dorm again to send the email, another dormmate was watching something on the internet, WITHOUT EARPHONES.

It's like the rest of the world doesn't have to study like me, so they get to do other stuff to bother me while I study.

Back at the dorm. (That's what I'd always text my parents the moment I arrive at the dorm, having eaten and done errands and before taking a shower.)

This weekend passed by in a flash. Yesterday, I commuted through floods to a talk on innovative fields in medicine, half of the content I've already heard somewhere before. Today, I went to the MIBF and Best of Anime convention with my family.

Now, I'm starting another school week. I'm dreading another tedious five days going to school then going back to the dorm to study and repeating the same thing the next day. And I can't be left alone to mope; my dormmates are at the common room, gigglesnorting and mumbling about things again.

I don't know what the point of this post is. Just for the sake of record keeping, maybe?

My Lakbayan grade is D!

How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out at Lakbayan!
Created by Eugene Villar.


(I study and board in Imperial Manila and spend at least five days out of the week there. I've always lived in Marikina where if you randomly trip and fall on the ground, you might end up in QC, Cainta or San Mateo. My parents are from La Union, so we used to go up north a lot when I was younger. I have some relatives in CALABARZON, and my family takes trips there. The rest are places I've gone to on field trips. I've never set foot on Cagayan Valley, Bicol, MIMAROPA, Visayas and Mindanao ;_;)

Lately, I've been going to the dorm early in the afternoon and holing myself up there, not stepping out until the next morning for classes. And I've been doing this for three straight days already. This is me turning into a shut-in. Wasn't surprised when a classmate called me that when I commented about it being so bright outdoors. Won't be surprised if they start calling me a hikkikomori.

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I think I may have found a specialty I'm interested in.

Pathology.

Yeah, that subject most of the people I know either curse at for being so cryptic, or forget about while being preoccupied with internal med/OB-Gyne/"more relevant stuff".

It's very challenging, and I'll get to hole in like I'm doing now, work alone and at my own time, have relatively limited contact with patients and other doctors... Yet, I feel kind of guilty not being a clinician and "being there for your patients" like how we're always told to be at school. My mom makes it worse by saying "You cure patients, not their tissues, not their organs or tissues, not the dead, not the judicial system, not the..."

Then I try to justify that specialty by thinking things like "If the school thinks that way, why is there still a Department of Pathology?" or "A lot of clinicians don't bother recalling all these histopathology stuff, so there's still something for me to do."

And then I think, am I just trying to rationalize what I want to do? And isn't that valid?

And after that I think, rationalizing is a defense mechanism like they said in Psychiatry, isn't it? Are defense mechanisms bad just because they are defense mechanisms?

And then, should I just become a psychiatrist then?

And it goes on.

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On a random note, I received KitKat as a raffle prize from class (oddly accompanied by an applause and congratulations). A bit hesitant to put it in the fridge, because everyone eats whatever is in the fridge.